


A Bunny's Tale

by ScribereEstAgere



Category: Law & Order: Criminal Intent
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor, Snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-29
Updated: 2014-03-29
Packaged: 2018-01-17 11:17:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1385662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScribereEstAgere/pseuds/ScribereEstAgere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Touch it. You know you want to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Bunny's Tale

**Author's Note:**

> **These characters do not belong to me.**

//

 

It was a quiet, uneventful day. No one had died, or was dying, or was about to die. The paperwork was done and filed. Ross was still alive and enjoying an exuberant sex life with Rodgers, right at this moment, actually. Lunch had been consumed, a healthy and satisfying meal, one that would not only lower both cholesterol and blood pressure levels, but reduce waistlines as well. The coffee was hot and fresh and the sun was shining. Plus, no one was crying, or about to cry, snottily or otherwise, and most importantly, everyone was _sane_. Painfully so. And Bobby. Well, Bobby was _happy_. Eames was highly suspicious of all of this, of course, especially the happiness part, even before Bobby leaned forward, across his desk, and smiled at her, a real smile, with teeth.

Now she was really suspicious. And nervous. But, she wasn’t going to cry, which was a good thing.

“I have a surprise for you,” he said.

“Oh?” She looked around nervously.

He laughed. She jumped, suspiciously.

“Over there, in the break room.”

“Uh…”

“I think you’ll like it.”

Now, she was not only suspicious, but starting to sweat. Into her hoodie.

“What makes you think that, exactly?”

“Come on,” he said, standing and moving quickly around the desk to her side. He took her hand. She jumped. “Come _on_.”

He pulled her, gleefully, to the break room. He pulled her inside. He closed the door behind them. There was a table in the break room. On the table was a cage. Inside the cage was an animal. Eames moved forward, suspiciously, and peered inside. Bobby reached around her, eagerly, and opened the cage’s little door.

“Touch it,” he said.

“Touch what?”

“The…thing. The animal. Touch it.”

“…why?”

“Because! Because…uh. Just…touch it. Please?”

She looked at him. He was still smiling.

“All…right.” She reached into the cage. The animal, she realized at last, was a rabbit. No, a _bunny_. A little, grey bunny. With a white cotton tail. Her fingers brushed the bunny’s back. She looked at Bobby. He was waiting. He was still smiling. “It’s…soft,” she said, to say something.

He nodded. “And?”

“Uh…” She touched it again, letting her fingers sink into the fur. “Fluffy?”

“Exactly!” He looked triumphant, for some reason. “Fluffy.”

“…and?”

Now he looked confused. “I don’t know. I just thought…you’d like it, I guess.”

“…why?”

His smile slipped a bit. “Uh…I don’t know…? Just because, I guess.”

“Uh huh.” She looked around the room for some angst. There was none to be found.

“I mean, we don’t…get to…uh. We don’t get to pet bunnies all that much.”

“No. No, we don’t.” What the _hell_ was the matter with him?

He swallowed, shuffled his feet. “Maybe…we should?”

Eames looked at him, then looked at the bunny again.

“Maybe,” she said, just to be polite. And to keep him from going insane.

She stroked the bunny’s back again, hoping to _feel_ …something. Something…fluffy, maybe.

Nope.

She sighed. “I don’t think this is going to work.”

“What isn’t?”

She removed her hand. She waved at the cage. “This. The animal. The _fluffy bunny_. I’m just not…feeling it.”

Bobby sighed, stricken, but resigned. “Yeah.”

“I… _we_...we just don’t ‘do’ fluffy.”

Bobby sighed again. “Yeah. Yeah, I know. I just thought…”

Eames smiled. “I know. I know you did.”

“Just…for a change, you know?”

“Yeah.” She sighed again. “I know.”

The stared at one another. Then they stared at the bunny.

“Can you…return it?” she asked.

“I think so.” He patted his pockets.

“I mean…it was a really nice idea. Really… _nice_.”

“But, impractical.”

Eames nodded. “Well, yeah. I mean. If the bunny was, say, carnivorous, then yeah, I could get behind that. If there was blood involved. Or, if the bunny, say, killed other bunnies…or it was pining away for another bunny who maybe wasn’t ready, or willing, to return that love. If the bunny was unfulfilled in some way. Desperately unhappy. Or, locked up in an insane asylum, maybe.”

Bobby sighed. He knew. He knew she was right, because, really, Eames was always right.

They looked at the bunny once more. The bunny seemed quite content, in its bunny way. Its nose was wiggling.

Eames scratched her own nose.

“Now what?” she asked. Bobby shrugged.

“Well. We could… _hug_.”

She considered that.

“We could. But we don’t _do that_.”

“Well…we do.”

“ _Once._ ”

“Yeah. We could…do it again.”

“I don’t know. But, that might upset the delicate balance of the entire universe.”

He considered that.

“True.”

They were silent for a moment. The bunny wiggled its nose some more. It really was just so fucking cute.

Too bad, really.

“We could…kiss,” Bobby suggested. Eames tried very hard not to laugh. “On the mouth, I mean.”

“Bobby…seriously. Are you insane?”

They smiled, gently, at one another.

“It’s…possible,” he said.

“True,” she said. “But, we just don’t know yet, do we?”

Bobby smiled, and shrugged again.

The bunny wiggled its nose again, and hopped a few times. Eames made a face, touched her cheek, clenched her fingers.

“Ok. This is making me really uncomfortable. Can we…like, go look at a murder victim now? Or, can you yell at me?”

Bobby looked around.

“I could…I guess. If it would make you feel better.”

Eames sighed in relief. “It would. It really would.”

“Ok. Sure. Sure, Eames. Anything for you.”

He opened his mouth and started bellowing.

 

//

 

_fin_

A/N: I tried. I really did. I just…can’t do “fluffy.” S-sorry.


End file.
